Manners make parties marvelous

December 8, 2003

By Thelma Domenici
Special to the Tribune

Legends are made at holiday office parties. Years are marked by whether the food was fantastic or the band was horrible. People will remember - and keep remembering - if you overindulged or if you wore something completely inappropriate.

Although it's unlikely anyone will precisely remember if you used the right fork or took your seat from the left side, they will take note of your quiet confidence and polished style.

They'll also reflect on whether the party invitation was made with a festive attitude and if they were truly treated as guests.

Whether you're the host of the company party or an up-and-comer in the rank-and-file, the keys to a successful gathering can be found when we treat each other with grace and civility.

Is your firm hosting a corporate party for your employees? Whether you're the lone CEO or a group of managing partners, take your role of host to heart.

A host's purpose is to make sure his or her guests are comfortable and are having fun whether you're having an intimate dinner party or an event for 200 employees. As the host, you should help the organization anticipate the event - this is, after all, a party.

Do offer your invitation six weeks in advance. In the invitation, clearly address the attire you wish guests to wear.

Don't convey an attitude that you are holding a party because you have to. Sometimes tradition may not coincide with the contemporary culture and it may be better to forego the party.

Do arrive on time. Guests shouldn't arrive before you.

Don't ignore your own attire request.

Do mingle with all your guests. If you are hosting the party as a group, situate yourselves at different tables among all your guests.

Don't make yourself the center of attention.

Do drink in moderation.

To shine as a gracious guest at this year's holiday event, anticipate the party with a happy heart and act as you know a guest should.

Do honor RSVPs. You must respond whether or not you will attend the event.

Don't be late. There's nothing ruder, except not honoring RSVPs.

Do carry your drink in your left hand so you're prepared to shake hands with your right. No one appreciates a cold, wet handshake.

Don't carry a plate of hors d'oeuvres and a drink. By trying to manage both, you lose the ability to shake hands and end up looking ungraceful in the process.

Do drink in moderation. You never need to be the life of the party.

Don't hoard over the buffet table or pile your plate high. This isn't your last meal.

Do behave like you are at the party because you want to be there, not because you have to be there.

Don't cross your arms during a conversation. It signals boredom or rejection.

Do exit a conversation gracefully. A simple and quiet, "Excuse me," will suffice in a group conversation.

"It was so nice talking with you. My manager just arrived and I need to discuss something with her. Excuse me," shows some poise when leaving a conversation with an individual.

Don't give the cold shoulder if someone tries to join in on a group conversation. Welcome them in and get them up to speed on the conversation.

Do fold your large dinner napkin in half and place it on your lap with the fold facing your body. Use it to dab your mouth.

Don't use the napkin to remove food or lipstick or to blow your nose. Excuse yourself from the table to handle these issues.

Do use the silverware from the outside in.

Don't use the fork and spoon at the top of your plate until the meal is finished. They are for your dessert and coffee.

Do use the butter plate to the left of your dinner plate and the glasses and coffee cup to the right.

Don't correct your neighbor if he places his roll on your butter plate or uses your coffee cup. Ask the waitstaff for another.

Approach your next holiday party with the spirit of the season. And all the while, remember: Good manners never go out of style.

Domenici is president of Thelma Domenici & Associates, an Albuquerque company specializing in contemporary social skills development. For information on courses in etiquette for professionals to preteens, call 344-9011.